House on Haunted Hill Commentary
by MarkeytseiaANDMoureeneeaaa
Summary: Um...you have to have seen this horribly messed up movie to understand our commentary. Rated R for cursing and...such.


House on Haunted Hill Commentary  
  
  
Authors' note: We do not own House on Haunted Hill, thank God... And you guys should know...we're going to hell.... we just saw Satan ride up on a fiery chariot!!! But that's a whole different story.   
  
  
  
The people who thought up the beginning were on OPIUM!!!   
  
Pencils...they will be your death....  
  
Eww....strawberry syrup flows out of the wound...  
  
A new FOX special...When Crazy People Go Batshit  
  
Must the women be half naked?  
  
Old newsreels always pissed me off...  
  
Nice unnecessary bathtub scene...  
  
That elevator gimmick would get really old really fast  
  
This Pryce guy pisses me off...  
  
Wow, not only is the house possessed, but the laptop is too! How fucking amazing...  
  
It's Scary Eyebrows Man, Blonde Bimbo #1, Blonde Bimbo #2, Benny, & Mango!  
  
Is there a reason they have to hike up the frigging mountain?  
  
Cue scary music & lights  
  
What the HELL is up with the lights?  
  
And the glass ceiling thingie?  
  
Blonde Bimbo #1 really pisses me off w/ her camera shit  
  
It's Hell-Woman in her little lingerie thingie  
  
Wow, it's the loving couple  
  
Is it just me or is the dialogue extremely trite?  
  
Hey...wait.. it's Jean Gray with PMS!   
  
Pervert camera man!  
  
Do they say fuck enough?  
  
Wait...do WE say fuck enough?  
  
Aren't they the reason that divorce was created?  
Poor Chris Kattan...  
  
Blonde Bimbo #2 is the WORST bullshitter  
  
Mango is angry! Mr Peepers wants his money!  
  
RUN CORKY ROMANO!!!  
  
Corky said fuck! Poor Corky!  
  
That guy's eyebrows are going to eat someone  
  
Eyebrow man is hitting on Mango!  
  
Mr. Peepers is SO misunderstood  
  
All these bitches and all these hos....  
  
It's DRACULA!  
  
BABY DRACULAS!  
  
All these people are sick fucks  
  
Mango needs to get drunk  
  
KILL HIM! DO IT NOW!  
  
I want to know more about Benny's dark past!  
  
HOLY SHIT! MUTANT DEAD HORSES & BABIES & THINGS!!  
  
The writers MUST be on opium  
  
Stop abusing Mango!  
  
Wow...there's bugs on the wall...really scary  
  
Omigod! They disappeared. Holy bejebus  
  
Pritchard! Pryce! Janet! Brad! Janet! Dr. Scott! Rocky! ......  
  
Stop having sexual tension & shit!  
  
What in the HELL is up with the opium-induced lighting?  
  
See? Even Benny can figure out that she's a shitty bullshitter  
  
That wasn't Benny..  
  
That's not Benny's eyes either..  
  
Hey! This is like SO not cool! I mean like seriously!  
  
WHAT THE FUCK? That guy just moved impossibly fast!  
  
Benny's eyes are glowing like a vampire in QotD  
  
He just jumped into a vat of strawberry syrup!  
  
THERE'S Benny!  
  
That was crazy shit  
  
It's strawberry syrup silly!  
  
Kattan is drunk!  
  
You're a doctor! You don't need anymore money!  
  
Blonde Bimbo #1 is a bright one...just go down there alone..  
  
Holy shit...they're dissecting a dude....   
  
RUN!! RUN YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE!! RUN!!   
  
Holy shit, what the fuck was that!?   
  
He's trying to get laid before he dies...  
  
More strawberry syrup!  
  
How many strawberries had to die?   
  
Okay, Mango is serious pussy...  
  
Benny needs some anger management...  
  
Not exactly Oscar material...  
  
This is where she threatens to kill him, but doesn't...  
  
DIE JEAN GRAY!! DIE!!!   
  
Dude...they kill off the women first...  
  
Whoa.... that guy has no face...cool!   
  
What's goin' on with this music?   
  
Yeah, that's right, I mean, when all the lights turn off, run to the devil's basement!   
  
Haha... Psycho Bitch Jean Gray is dead...  
  
She's not dead, her heart just stopped.   
  
Every rejoices in her death!   
  
This is some crazy shit...  
  
Shootout!   
  
Benny isn't a scumbag anymore! He isn't yuppie scum!  
  
Don't trust Scary Eyebrows man!!   
  
Oh crap...he turned it on...  
  
They are soooo fucking!   
  
Why are they going in the psycho's office? Oh yeah... it's a plot device!   
  
Oh the goggles are really helping...  
  
Evil clown man...  
  
Oh yeah... drowning really helped psychos...  
  
Enough with the strawberries!!   
  
The had florescent lighting back then?  
  
Oh man...I know this is another movie plot...  
  
The house has internet access!  
  
Aw.. Corky's drunk...he's sexy when he's drunk...  
  
NECROPHILIA!!OH MY GOD!!! HE'S FINGERING HER!!   
  
Wait...not necrophilia... okay...  
  
Wow....Scary Eyebrows man was killed by psycho bitch Jean Gray...cool!  
  
He is so DAMN sexy!!! I want Kittan soooo much!! (this is Kachie, I'm not so sure about Tashi..)  
  
He's dead...right?  
  
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
She severed his head with a pocket knife!!   
  
I don't think a man can make those sounds....  
  
Blast that mutha-fucka like it ain't no thang!   
  
She's barefoot walking in a crazy psycho bitch house!   
  
HOLY SHIT HE'S STILL ALIVE!!   
  
Run from the scary black ink stuff!!   
  
  
And then Dena rides up on her chariot of hellfire, and takes her back where she belongs...  
  
Oh, we found Blond Bimbo #1!!   
  
Kachie: No!!!!!! Mango!! I loved you!! I loved you! ::breaks down sobbing::   
Sutashi: Right....  
  
Now you believe him! ::sounds of sobbing can be heard in the background::   
  
Okay.. this movie has now totally lost its realism...if it ever had any...   
  
::sounds of sobbing:: .......  
  
SHUT UP KACHIE!!   
  
Oi...sad pathetic attempts at wit.   
  
How can they run faster than a scary black cloud of evil?   
  
Dude... this is worse than "The Haunting' and that was a pretty bad movie, the original was pretty good though...  
  
He's Akasha!   
  
He gets his hand stuck in there...hehehe, or, he should.   
  
Aww!! Peepers helped! He helped!   
Kachie: I LOVE HIM!!! ::weeps::   
  
Where did that money come from?   
  
The money, it makes it all worth while... who cares if a whole lot of people just died.... the money makes it all better...   
  
FIN 


End file.
